Well, B and I finally had a talk. It wasn't pretty. Mostly because while I was up at 7am, they didn't get up until 2:30pm. I spent the entire morning crying because I just can't live this way any more. The limbo, the stasis, it's all killing me. Honestly even right now my anxiety is at an 11 for no good reason. I mean really. I have the day off, I slept, nothing dramatic is going on at this moment, so why is my heart racing and my flight or fight kicking in? I'm literally doing nothing but sitting here typing. Fuck my brain.
But I digress. When her highness deemed the world ready for their presence, I sat them down and straight up said, I can't live like this any more. I told them I have lost my best friend. That I have a roommate. They blamed me for it all. That we may never get back to where we were. They even said they won't commit to couples therapy because they don't know if they are staying. Then they asked "do you want me to leave?". For once I was honest. I said yes, but. I am not going to get stuck taking care of this entire house. Speaking of which, I have Molly Maid coming next week to do an in-home estimate for once a month service. Clean the baseboards, floors, etc. Monthly is fine for that. But I digress. They then asked if I wanted to leave. I again was honest. Yes, but I can't move my work. I can't lug four computers somewhere. I can't go where there's no internet. So for the time being, we're stuck in this house. I then said fine, if you're my roommate and you can't contribute financially, there's a half dozen things around this house I want you to pick up doing. These are the chores you need to start taking over. We argued, we debated, but we came to a conclusion. We also laid down that this means each other's coming and goings were our business only. Of course that was their idea. Because guess who's on fucking Tinder now! Yep, she's a swiping on the hookups. Whatever. I stated that our boundaries are still in effect as long as we're married and if they blow that, we're are done.
There's something else major we discussed; their meds situation. I believe they have undiagnosed issues. They were diagnosed depression and given the abilify by a zoom call 30 minute psych appointment. No like. B even agrees that they may have more. Schizophrenia, bipolar. Something deeper is going on. So they will work with their doctors and therapists to see if there is other meds instead to help with all this. More than 'mood stabilizers'. I also laid it out for them finally that they keep saying how good they were off their meds and that is untrue. They were still a fucking wreck. I pointed out all the behaviors and instances. Including how much CGF was a factor. Which to circle it all back, defends my actions. As part of our discussion they kept trying to say things I supposedly did and I kept shutting down every argument. "You were never going to tell me". Nope, read right here where it says "until B is stable, let's keep this between us". Things like that B kept trying to throw at me and I had receipts. Not this time bitch.
So all that happened. We then tried to be civil to each other for the rest of the day. They went out at 10pm to do whatever and came back at 12:30. I went to bed around 1 because I was doing stuff. I am off today light week thankfully. Going to group on Tuesday, and then finally seeing MCGF on Wednesday and possibly Saturday. Time for me to focus on me.
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