ANA Y1 D81

I am not at home. I am elsewhere right now.  Let's back up shall we? Let's review all of Sunday. Sunday was supposed to be our day to spend together and complete a much needed home project. While we did complete said project, B spent the entire day on their phone sending goddamn selfies to their multitudes of bitches. I was I was exaggerating. I mentally kept track of at least 35 times I saw them take pics and send it off to people. Was it all to girlfriends? Probably not, but it was massively disrespectful to me. So much so it put a huge wedge between us all day. One of the projects we worked on was replacing the front door with a keypad so the cleaning service will have no problem getting in and out. As a result we have an old deadbolt now. I offered it to our friend who is having ex-wife problems. We agreed to drive it over to their house and hang out for a bit. This would be around 8pm. Right before we left, B asked if I minded if they went out after we went to our friend's house. WTF? No I guess not? I just don't understand going out at 9pm on a Sunday, but whatever. We ended up taking two cars which already was embarrassing and humiliating for me. Then, they proceeded the whole time we were there to take more fucking selfies and spend the whole time on their phone. Again, fucking humiliating. Flashbacks of X1 coming in loud and clear. I mean you can't even be discrete? You have to do this shit right in front of not only my face, but our friends? Fuck you. But whatever. I went home, went to bed around 10:30.

I woke up at 11:30 and they weren't home yet. You know what? Not a big deal. It's not too late, not going to stress, going back to sleep. Well I woke up again at 3 and when I saw they weren't in bed, there were no lights on anywhere and no noise, I panicked. I first went to see if they were in the guest room masturbating. Nope. Check garage, no car. Fuck me. I am going into full blown panic mode. I should mention, nothing on my phone. No message, no nothing. So as I go down to message them, guess who comes strolling in the door at 3:10. Fear turns to anger and I lash out. Hard. This of course pisses them off and they start yelling and saying they're done, blah blah blah. So I tell them to leave. They have broken one too many boundaries and I am done. Please leave. They can come back later, but for now, out. So they did. I ended up falling back to sleep until 6 something on the couch downstairs.

After realizing I wouldn't be getting anything accomplished, I messaged my work and told them I would be useless for the rest of this week. I laid it all out, told them everything that was going on, and said I needed the time off to get my head on straight. I received mostly positive support. My immediate folks understood but apparently our third party company wants nothing to do with me now. Well fuck you. Suck my left tit. I then proceeded to find a place for me to stay. I am at a friend's house right now. I came over here around 5:30pm yesterday while B was out and plan to stay until Wednesday midday. More on that in a second. With that arranged, I packed. I made an emergency appointment with my therapist and met with her at noon. She reinforced and validated my decisions, not only to tell B to leave, but to get out of the house. When I was done with my therapy, B came home. No apologies, no nothing. I sat them down, explained why I was pissed, how they humiliated me over the weekend, and that I would be leaving. I would not be there when they got back from their date at 4pm. I did not tell them where I would be, who I was staying with, and any other details. I turned off location sharing as well. I did tell them I would let them know I was safe, and nothing more. We have to take the, no *I*, have to take the cats to the vet on Wednesday and I will be home in time to do that. I then have plans that evening to go bowling with a friend and B is not invited even though technically it's their friend. Not this time bitch. On Thursday they have morning plans and I need to prep for my camping trip. The point is that even though I will be back home Weds and Thurs, I am planning on making sure my interaction with them is minimal to non-existent. I may return to where I am staying but I do need to pick up some clean clothes if I am doing that. Maybe. We shall see. Friday I leave for my camping trip and will have zero contact between Friday and Sunday afternoon. I see no point. On Sunday when I return after thinking things through, I will decide if I want them to leave permanently or not. Right now, I am leaning towards yes, go. 

I also did mostly end things with MCGF yesterday. I went to their work and explained that while I like them, I don't know if I am having physical relations with them because I truly like them or if because they are a substitute for my spouse. I explained that I am happy to remain their friend, but cannot have any kind of physical relationship with them until all this shit is over. I also cannot give them the time of me they seem to desire until I get past all this. They were upset as one would imagine, but they handled it well. We will see how things go this week with them.

Okay, today I am off to the cheese shop, going to help my host by cleaning, then off to a dinner date with BB and then group. I won't be back here until later in the evening. I look forward to a day without worrying about my spouse (who has their own date tonight), the cats, or work. Just some me time goddamn it.