I do not want to be up right now. I didn't go to bed until almost 2. I'm up because we have to take the dying cat into the vet. She's become dehydrated and her poops are not looking good. Today may be the day. Not cool. But it would mean one less thing to worry about and deal with for the future. Find the positive.
Yesterday was 90% a good day. I think this whole boundary and respect thing is almost outside B's comfort zone. At least right at this second. They've struggled with it since this beginning but it's become more clear to them what they stand to lose now and that's keeping them in check. Two cases in point: first, one of their current gfs asked if they would go away with them over Labor Day. B said no because it would mean an overnight stay. They weren't happy but they knew that was, at least for now, not something I can handle. We just got to a semi-good place where we can show each other some respect. Don't fuck it up. Then last night they were supposed to go out while I was out but the same gf was still working at midnight. So instead of going out and basically coming right back home, they decided to go to bed. The second one was more because I have to wake them up shortly to go to the vet. If they had stayed out until 4 or 5 in the morning, they wouldn't be able to wake up and take the cat with me. If we have to put this cat down today, I am not doing it alone. They were less upset about the trip, but last night they got a little pouty. Tough. If I am going to bend over backwards for you, you're going to show me this much common decency in the short term. Let me have my last few months of playing house and not looking like some idiot. Believe me, things will be over before you know it. They did also finally decide on a school and program for their accounting degree. I told them I need to see progress on being signed up this week. I'm holding up my end of this deal, they need to hold up theirs.
For the future, I started considering a few things. One of the key problems I had last time around was loneliness. It's why I had so many parties. It's why I let some bad people into my life. It was almost impossible to have a roommate in that apartment, but now I will have plenty of space. I was talking to my friend who I went to the concert with and asked if he would be interested in moving in. I would essentially give him the whole basement and I take the upstairs. We would write up an actual lease agreement for six months and see how it goes. Option to renew for another six months or he moves on. I would charge him less than half his current rent to allow him to save money and it would give me the companionship I need. Which I need less of than I think potentially. I had three real friends just reach out to me yesterday to see how I was holding up. Unprompted and uncoerced. They just were checking in on me. Big difference than last time.
My therapist is happy for me. They are happy I am finally able to move forward and out of limbo. None of us are happy our relationship is ending, but at least there is progress and open dialog. We'll take it.
In happier news, I went to see Blondie with The Damned last night. Our seats were incredible. We could reach out touch the band. For 77 years old Blondie can still hit those notes. Not quite as good as the past, but damn if she didn't put on a good show. Very glad I decided to go even if it was last minute. Had a fun time. Got home around 11:30, hung out for a while, and went to bed.
This morning cat, tonight dinner and a movie to have some us time to see if we can still be friends. Tomorrow I am getting my nails done and going roller skating. In other words, I am starting my new life as me.
It's gonna be okay. Right?
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