Well apparently the students from the last few days don't like my teaching style and have requested a new instructor. Oh well. But I have to be careful. I have to make sure that my personal life isn't bleeding into my work life. This happened before. Must watch it like a hawk. To be more specific, what they didn't like was that I couldn't answer every single detailed question they asked, that I wouldn't turn on my camera, and the pace of the material. In the past they had a more technical instructor who was more engaging with them, but as I learned was very unreliable in terms of showing up on time, getting through all the material, etc. I do think this is just a case of a bad fit and not anything endemic of a larger problem. But to be safe, I will watch my behavior next week more closely. Not taking any chances.
So B is home. In a limited capacity. I say limited capacity because if they had their way, they would still be gone. They feel they need more time. Well, we had a long talk about this. I was clear about my feelings and that I couldn't continue to live in a state of limbo forever. That they don't get to have a permanent vacation on my dime. There has to be a point where we talk all this out. What we agreed upon is that for the next week, we will "be chill". Just try to live a normal life where we can interact as friends, live in the same living space, share the burden of the household, but that's the extent of it. We will stay out of each other's lives, we will stay out of each other's space. We will not comment on how late someone is staying out, ask who they are talking to, hanging out with, etc. We will will attend things together depending on what those things are. If there is something we would like the other to attend with us, we will give it a ranking system. For example, there is an event on Saturday I will be going to. I asked B to go with me and rated it a 6. It would be nice, but it will not be the end of the world if they don't. They can do their own thing. Essentially we are one step above roommates. There will be no intimacy, there will be no expectation of anything. On both sides mind you. This isn't a one way street. Can I handle this? For a week yes, for more, no. I was clear on that as well. I said to them, that I cannot live with the guilt of asking them to leave at this time. That I know they would fail and it would be a horrible thing. Therefore, my goal would be to figure out a way for us to continue at least for the next year while they get themselves situated in a career, get themselves mentally well, start taking over some of their own bills, etc and then we revisit if we stay married. However, to do that, we have to find a way of moving forward that works for both of us. If we do not find a way that is acceptable, I will be asking them to leave. Yes, I actually said that. It was one of the hardest things I have ever said to another person, but I have to set boundaries on my own mental health. We are still moving forward with some home changes. We met with Molly Maid yesterday and they will be coming twice a month to clean. This will be $100 and it will be worth every penny. Neither of us will feel overwhelmed at taking care of the house at least. I am down with this. We also talked about the possibility of moving my office upstairs. Getting me out of the basement finally. Lastly, we are doing a redo of the kitchen together this weekend. We are emptying out every cabinet and cupboard, cleaning them, and donating or throwing stuff away. A long overdue project. So there is collaboration happening. When I return from camping on the 21st, we will talk. If we don't, then we're done. If we can't find a mutually agreeable path, we're done. Let's get through the week, shall we kids.
Last night we went out to dinner with my friend BB. B joined us and it was civil. No, that's not fair. It was more than that. We were friends for a while. It felt okay. Just okay. We had a nice time, came home, hung out for a little bit, and he left. I went to bed shortly afterwards. I do not know what B did, nor will I inquire. This is what they are looking to see if I can stick to the boundaries. I can. But it doesn't mean I will be passive. I am going out Saturday night regardless and they will have to be okay with that.
Ah, life. What a bitch.
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