ANA Y1 D94

I think I am going to start keeping track of certain days in a different way now. Because as my therapist likes to remind me and I need to keep reminding myself, there's no such thing as a bad day, just bad moments in a day. Clearly she's not living my life, but we will work with it. But to that end, here's a better breakout of the day:

Positives:

• Took some time for myself in the morning, went and had my nails done. I am insanely happy with how they turned out. The length and shape are perfect. I can still function doing things like this, but they are a pretty color. The polish is color changing too. Changes from light to dark depending on the temperature. Very happy with that.
• Went roller skating with B and a friend. Managed to not fall down too much or look like too much of an idiot. Was worried about getting clocked or harassed because you know, "the children, but didn't have any issues even in the bathroom. That part of my life is slowly getting easier. I was talking to a friend last night and conveyed to her how bathrooms are the scariest part of my life. 
• Spent some time with B watching TV but for the most part did my own thing. We avoided and minimized the 'future' talk as much possible. But since we're in the positive section, they did enroll in school last night. They have officially started their program and will now be "working" monday through friday to get through stuff and move forward. Even if they double down, we're still talking end of year for them to find a job, a couple of months to make some money, and more after that to be ready to be on their own, but it's a step forward for both of us.
• Made more strides in how I want to rearrange the house when they are gone. Thinking of furniture changes and the like. I am thinking of things like this to give me positive things to look forward to when it's my house. Make it really mine again. Nothing drastic, but little touches. I will have empty spaces in the future and need them to be filled.
• Took a buspar around 10 with the hope it calms me this morning. Mostly working.

Negatives:

• At the roller rink, B isolated themselves from me and our friend by spending the majority of the time on their phone. This of course led to an argument later on the way home. I didn't care who they were talking to as it is no longer my business, but it was more that they agreed to hang out and neither of us felt B was present. It felt disrespectful to both of us because it put them in a mood the whole time we were skating.
• They did more of the same at home. Then ended up going out at 12:15 until 2:15 which spiked my anxiety. No, I shouldn't care, but it's a safety thing. It really is. Part of it was their last hurrah if you will. They know they can't be doing this stay out until 3 bullshit now that they are doing schoolwork, having to find a big kid job, etc. Stop dating children who do gig work and maybe you won't have this problem, eh?
• Didn't really eat yesterday. My stomach was all over the map from anxiety and just didn't feel like it. Had a plate of cheese and fruit for dinner.

This week:

I teach tomorrow, today I am going to lunch with a new friend, see the gf tonight for tacos, then might hit up another girl I know to see if she is DTF. B will be out with one of theirs and I might as well not be a mopey butthole. Tomorrow is group and they have another night out too. Wednesday we're going to an event together to support a friend, Thursday I am hooking with my gf, Friday is clean, then Saturday I have a hair appointment and they have a memorial for the one whose best friend killed themselves. As you can see, busy week. We both have therapy in there twice as well. The days just keep coming, don't they?