Ever have someone point out something so obvious to you that you're just ashamed that you didn't see it? Last night my tattoo artist made the innocent comment that if B can't get over what's going on, then what's going on isn't the problem. There's something bigger under the surface. I've been so focused on them getting past the whole CGF issue, that it never occurred to me that there was something else bubbling underneath all of this. How fucking stupid am I? I mean of course she's right. There's something much larger at play here that has yet to reveal itself. Now that's fucking scary.
Yesterday and right now have been pretty hard. It's too quiet. It's too empty. It's lonely. An entire day without seeing them, really talking to them, nothing. I know I will survive, but fuck it's hard. Today will be even worse since Tuesday has traditionally been their fuck night. Good times.
There's not much to talk about with regard to yesterday. I spent the morning doing some bullshit work in prep for today and tomorrow, then I left for my tattoo. I was there from 12:15 until 8:15. Actually time under the needle was 6 hours and 49 minutes. I earned and received my pain. We only got one done. Have to go back in September for my second one. I am very happy with how this one turned out. Number 26 is done and on my body forever. More. Gimme more pain.
MCGF is being a pain in the ass. They're showing that they're too clingy and needy for my taste. I had a feeling this was coming to be honest. I told them yesterday morning that hey, my life is a little fucked up right now and I need some space. That sent them into quiet and distant mode. At like 9 they sent me a message saying how they need more from me. Yeah, no. Something tells me this isn't going to last unless they learn real quick they are secondary and will always be secondary. I've got more important shit in my life right now than you. That's just the reality of it. If B decides to leave forever, then guess what, my calendar will open the fuck up. For now though, you have to accept what time I have or you get none at all. Plain and simple. We'll see what happens. Not going to lose any sleep that's for sure. I'm already losing enough over my spouse.
My niece is pregnant. Ugh. I don't know how I feel about that. I love her to death but ugh. One more step to a 'normal' life. Good luck with that.
Although, you all know what I am about to say... the pain from last night. It was cathartic. Pain. Losing all hope. It's freedom. Lost in oblivion. Babies don't sleep this well. Yeah.
Here it is:
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